There is a father who brought his ailing son to Jesus and said, “If you can do anything please help us and heal my son.”
Jesus replies and says “Everything is possible for those who believe”
And then the man responds with a response that echoes my feelings exactly
“I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief”
I love the vulnerability of the father. I am not sure that my faith has ever gotten past that feeling. I do believe enough to ask God to help me overcome my unbelief.
Similarly I have often found myself praying these prayers of vulnerability and honesty:
- I want to want to spend more time with my kids. Help me want to spend time with my kids.
- I want to want to read scripture. Help me want to read scripture.
- I want to want to turn my phone off when I come home. Help me want to turn my phone off when I come home.
- I want to want to eat healthy. Help me want to eat healthy.
- I want to want to spend time with my aging grandparents. Help me want to spend time with them.
I will keep praying these prayers but I also must refuse to wait until my feelings have changed. I must choose to do these things until duty turns to delight.
I am grateful for a gracious God who welcomes our vulnerability.