In January I will complete my Masters in Theology through Fuller Seminary and have been transformed by the experience in countless ways over the last ten years.
As these things go the lesson that has stuck with me the most was an endearing moment when our ethics professor went off topic. While tearing up he shared that, “For all of my life I have measured myself against what I thought people wanted me to be”
I teared up too.
I have never been able to put into words how I feel that concisely.
I am not a perfectionist. I am not desperate to be liked. I don’t spend a lot of time comparing myself to other people.
I do too often I measure myself against what I think other people want me to be.
Richard Rohr in Things Hidden says “How we relate to God always reveals how we will relate to people, and how we relate to people is an almost infallible indicator of how you relate to God and let God relate to us.”
I know that God loves me (us) just for who I am. I know that God created me just how he wanted me to be. Yet I resonate with what Professor Sanders said and I agree with what Richard Rohr writes.
The knowing that is talked about in scripture most often is ‘gnosis.’ This gets translated as knowledge but refers to experiential, full body knowing not an intellectual knowing.
That’s the knowing I am continually seeking.
Ephesians 3:14 For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge — that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.